spazfarm

Jesus was a pacifist. If I kicked Jesus in the balls, he wouldn’t be allowed to do anything about it. Therefore it is reasonable to assume that I could beat Jesus in a fight.

Jesus did not have a girlfriend. I bone chicks all the time. Seriously, I mean all the time – I’m boning a chick right now. Sometimes I accidentally bone chicks without even noticing. I’m so good at it that I can even bone chicks without them noticing either.

Jesus was a carpenter. Loser. I work in an office, with computers and the internet and a pension plan and free muffins on Wednesday.

Jesus died when he was 32. I am 33 and a half and still not dead.* In your face, Messiah!

Jesus did not have a 37 inch high definition LCD TV. Sometimes I just stare at my TV for hours on end without even switching it on because it’s just so awesome to behold. Also, I couldn’t find the remote.

Jesus wore sandals. Dork. I’ve got a wicked pair of Vans.

Jesus was the son of God. Fair enough. But my dad could probably be an omnipotent deity if he wanted. You know, if he gave up the booze and got out of the house a bit more often.

*Except on the inside, obviously.